BING-Oh no you didn't

Besides having charisma and charm coursing through my veins, I also have something else very special a-flowin', and that my friends, is the BINGO gene.  You see, ever since I was a wee little nugget, I would go to BINGO on Sundays with my grandparents, and they taught me the ropes of the game.  You thought it was just about dabbing away at random numbers, didn't you?  Well you're wrong.  There was a lot that I learned as I was bored out of my gored and nearly choked to death by second hand smoke (back then it was legal for the old folk to puff away.  And this was in a school for crying out loud). I watched the players much like a panther studies their prey.  The old women would smoke their Marlboro Reds down to the filter, as it dangled precariously close to their pruned lips, but their hawk eyes were focused on their fourteen bingo cards that they had sprawled across three cards tables, and would snarl at anyone who would dare come close to their boards.  I also learned a lot of new and colorful language when someone in the crowd-who wasn't them-yelled "BINGO!" with unbridled delight.  Who knew an old, frail looking grandmother could throw a BINGO dabber so far?  And with such might?  I don't think I learned that it was inappropriate to holler "Sonofabitch!" every time someone else won, until I was at least eleven.  But besides all of the coarse language and projectile BINGO apparatuses, I focused on something even more amazing.  The victory.  It seemed like the ones that won the round didn't even seem to mind being pelted in the head with dabber caps, and I believe I heard a few times the winner say, "I may be a sonofabitch, but I'm a winning sonofabitch", and then they would proceed to count and fan out their big bucks.  I wanted that winning status and I wanted it bad.
Now besides letting the adults smoke their brains out, they also used to let minors play the boards, as long as someone else yelled "BINGO!" for you, and the money was handed over to the adult.  So there were many a Sunday where I would have my two BINGO boards neatly lined up on the table, would wave my grandmothers lucky lighter over the boards, and perfected my evil glare every time someone won that wasn't me.  And then it happened.  Let me set up the scene: It was a chilly, grey fall day (oh, you don't forget these details when your spirits light up like a Christmas tree because you FINALLY get a taste of what being a winner is like), and I was decked out in my corduroys and turtleneck, sporting the attitude of a winner even before I sat down in between my mom, my grandma.  As the game began I furiously was dabbing away at my numbers, and then BAM.  My winning number was called.  My eyes got as large as saucers and my voice got caught in my throat. "BINGO!"  Wait?  How did I manage to holler when it feels like I swallowed a golf ball?  How did I-Oh.  I looked up from my spot and noticed my mother was frantically waving around my winning board.  My shining moment was eviscerated by someone else claiming my victory.   I eventually realized that she had to yell the most beautiful word in all of BINGO Land, and she had to collect the winnings, because I was only seven at the time, but this was after I sat staunchly in my chair with my arms folded crossly over my Care Bear 'neck, and being snotty to my mother for stealing my moment.  All was forgiven when she of course, forked over my big winnings of thirty-five dollars, and I bought a new Barbie.
It has now been many moons since that victory, but the BINGO gene is still very much present.  Nothing sounds more enticing to me then spending a Thursday evening at the VFW with a good group of friends, my BINGO boards, and my lucky BINGO charms.  I even won once again, and this time I was able to holler "BINGO!" all on my own, and taste that sweet, sweet victory once again.  And you know what?  Being beaned in the head with a dabber doesn't even hurt, or being called inappropriate names by the elderly isn't nearly as biting as I thought it would be.  Because you know what?  I may be a sonofabitch, but I'm a winning sonofabitch. :)