The Truffle Shuffle

Hey there, friends.  Today's post is going to be short, sweet, and to the point.  Don't get your expectations up though, because I'm not feeling all that hilarious. In fact, I'm feeling more like a fat ass because I'm fairly certain I gained fifty-five thousand pounds this past week, because my best friend from back home came out to visit me, and what better way to catch up then sit around eating sticks of butter and reminiscing?  My husband was also on vacay, and Chef Boy-Ar-Lenny delivered.  So all-in-all I'm a big fat fatty, and quite frankly rather winded from just typing with my sausage fingers.
I will post about the adventures of Thelma and Lousie on another day, but for now I've decided I'm just going to give you my B*tch List.  Enjoy.
Words that are not real:
*Woofs.  Here I will use it in a sentence:  Look at those woofs howling at the moon.  Oh.  You mean wolves?  Look at those WOLVES howling at the moon?  I'm pretty sure "woofs" is what the wolves actually say.
*Yous.  Yous guys better hurry up.  I'm sorry, what?
*You welcome.  As in, you welcome.  How about we get a little pirate in you, and add an "arrrrre" to the "you".
*Libary.  I'm going to the libary.  I'm sorry.  I don't know what that is.  Does the libary teach you about woofs?
*Febuary.  Again, there isn't a silent r.  I don't pronounce March "Mach".  Unless you're from Boston, knock it off.
The only words that are permitted to pronounce incorrectly are "Irish wristwatch", and "rear wheel drive".  Haha.  You're saying it now, aren't yous?
And I leave you with a little Goonies treat, because essentially right now I resemble Chunk.  You welcome. :)