The above title is actually true. You see, I adore animals. Furry ones, winged ones, even dragonfly-y ones. Whenever the ASPCA commercial is on that features Sarah McLachlan, I have to put the t.v. on mute, and bury my head in the couch cushions. She has even inspired Teeny's bath time song (Teeny is Bentley... don't want there to be any confusion about that one...). I sing "In the Arms of an Angel" at the top of my lungs, because he looks like a pathetic wet rat, with big brown peepers that say, "You are a cruel, cruel woman, Mama. I currently hate you. Don't spray the noggin. Don't spray the noggin. Don't spr-Argh. She sprayed the noggin." Whenever I am driving along and I pass by horses, puppies, bunnies, or geese, I always exclaim the obvious. Leonard and I could be having an intense conversation about pajama jeans, and I will without hesitation interrupt him by shouting with glee, "Oh! Ponies!" Of course the man is used to this by now so it doesn't even register with him that I am easily distracted by adorableness. I have also come to the realization that not everyone is used to this part of my charm. A while back I was driving with a few friends, and we drove past a herd of cattle. Midway through my rant about Justin Bieber's bangs, I shouted, "Oh! COWS!" and then went right on back to how I think he should decorate said bangs with a bow. The two lovelies that I was driving with burst into laughter, and looked at me like I was insane.
A couple of years ago I watched this movie called "Dead and Breakfast". It was a cinematic delight, I tell you, but there was one character in the movie that has always stuck with me. I forget his name, but his character would jot down the types of roadkill that he would see along the side of the road, so he could say a prayer for them later on in the day. The other characters thought the guy was a weirdo for doing this, but I say nothing wrong with it. Now, I don't have a roadkill list, per say, but whenever I do see a small (or large) creature laying in the middle of the road with a tire print down its' back, I literally make a frowny face, say something the lines of, "poor baby", and then have a teeny tiny urge to find the person that ran them over, and punch them. Now I do know that sometimes you can't break for an animal darting into the road, because you can cause more damage to you (or another car), but I just can't help myself for feeling awful for the four-legged smooshers. I am guilty of being a Michelin murdered, and I have cried each and every time it has happened. I have smooshed birds that have swooped down in front of my car, bats that have flown into my car, and a squirrel who decided to play chicken against my automobile. And every single time I have either called up my mother or my husband to confess my vehicular sins, and every single time I can hear them holding back their laughter as I sob over the fact that Mr. Nuts will never be able to complete his squirrel destiny.
So if you ever find yourself driving behind a Jetta that has a bumper sticker that says, "I break for honey badgers", give yourself at least a 100 foot distance from my car. :)
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